I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
