I'm laying in your front yard are you home
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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