So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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