if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
