I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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