Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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