Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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