I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
