Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
