My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
