you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
