Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"