I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.