I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
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He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.