New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON