babies were throwing up all over the place
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
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Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum