I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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