i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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