How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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