I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
