Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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