He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
