I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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