woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize