I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
