we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
