I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
