I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
