don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
