So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the condom got lost in my hair
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
