video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize