Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
