Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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