guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
