Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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