Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
