You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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