I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
