Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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