What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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