Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
