I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
