omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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