you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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