Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
