Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
