how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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