I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
