Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
