Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
