I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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