I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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