You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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