she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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