he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize