i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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