they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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