so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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