hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
accomplished twins. life is a go
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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