You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
