just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
