My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
