just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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