Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
