I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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