girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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