Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
