Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
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FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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