Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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