Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
