This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
