i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He shit in the fireplace
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
