We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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