I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
