I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
