u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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