I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
