So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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