I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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