You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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