too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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