I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
